The weirdest thing about infertility struggles is your constant need to mourn one hurdle while still looking ahead with hope toward the next straight-away at the same time. There is no time to wait and really recover. Just keep your head up and hurdle along until you reach the finish line.
Three days after my (very painful, heavy) period began, I went back in for more blood work and an ultrasound to make sure I fully miscarried and my uterine lining looked good and got the go ahead to start injections again for the next hope at getting pregnant and keeping the baby. This also corresponded with the second day of a new school year- clearly a stressful time regardless of what's going on in your personal life...
This cycle, we stepped up the amount of injections so that my stimming time would not be quite as long as last time. It worked and I was able to take my trigger shot and do timed intercourse again.
And guess, what? After a stressful two week wait/ beginning of the school year stress-ball madness, I was pregnant again! But, my hcg numbers were still very low which meant low chances of carrying this little gift to full term. I started off around 6, went back two days and jumped to around 26. It was very exciting but so hard to get your hopes up too high. DH cried when he heard this big jump because he felt so full of promise and hope. I got my teeth cleaned the next day but had to forgo the xrays, obviously. I let myself get a little excited as the hygienist gave me instructions about the necessity for healthy gums and teeth during pregnancy.
But then, I went back again and my numbers fell and with them went our dreams. I was instructed to stop progesterone which was holding my little gift in but this time, I had already started to bleed through the progesterone. This was a bit of a gift because this time, I did not have to be the one to stop the medication and wait for my actions to have an effect.
I feel incredibly blessed to have been able to get pregnant twice from the injections but cannot help but mourn what could have been...
My doctor explained them as chemical pregnancies. He says they are real pregnancies but they are too small to be seen on an ultrasound and can only be detected in the blood. He suspects that the embryos must have had trouble dividing or had chromosomal problems which is why I lost them both. I know I must cut down on my incredibly high stress levels at work to be able to survive all of this and to give my future little gift the best chances at a full life.
Three days after my (very painful, heavy) period began, I went back in for more blood work and an ultrasound to make sure I fully miscarried and my uterine lining looked good and got the go ahead to start injections again for the next hope at getting pregnant and keeping the baby. This also corresponded with the second day of a new school year- clearly a stressful time regardless of what's going on in your personal life...
This cycle, we stepped up the amount of injections so that my stimming time would not be quite as long as last time. It worked and I was able to take my trigger shot and do timed intercourse again.
And guess, what? After a stressful two week wait/ beginning of the school year stress-ball madness, I was pregnant again! But, my hcg numbers were still very low which meant low chances of carrying this little gift to full term. I started off around 6, went back two days and jumped to around 26. It was very exciting but so hard to get your hopes up too high. DH cried when he heard this big jump because he felt so full of promise and hope. I got my teeth cleaned the next day but had to forgo the xrays, obviously. I let myself get a little excited as the hygienist gave me instructions about the necessity for healthy gums and teeth during pregnancy.
But then, I went back again and my numbers fell and with them went our dreams. I was instructed to stop progesterone which was holding my little gift in but this time, I had already started to bleed through the progesterone. This was a bit of a gift because this time, I did not have to be the one to stop the medication and wait for my actions to have an effect.
I feel incredibly blessed to have been able to get pregnant twice from the injections but cannot help but mourn what could have been...
My doctor explained them as chemical pregnancies. He says they are real pregnancies but they are too small to be seen on an ultrasound and can only be detected in the blood. He suspects that the embryos must have had trouble dividing or had chromosomal problems which is why I lost them both. I know I must cut down on my incredibly high stress levels at work to be able to survive all of this and to give my future little gift the best chances at a full life.
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