Watch 'Em(bryos) Grow!

Day 1 after retrieval- 28 eggs retrieved yesterday, 22 were mature, 18 fertilized normally, 1 fertilized abnormally
"Awesome" as described by our nurse, very promising news, hopeful to be able to make it to a day 5 transfer!

Day 2 after retrieval- "Fantastic"-from my RE who called me personally this morning

Looks like any ivf from the get-go, 18 embryos still developing! Very hopeful for a Monday transfer of one embryo and more to freeze :)

Day 3 after retrieval- Still have 18!! Remarkable.

Day 4 after retrieval- They do not look at the embryos this day.

 Day 5 after retrieval-Implantation of one day 5 embryo, freezing at least six viable embryos (we will know exact count later) I'm pregnant! Hoping and praying that our embaby will implant and grow!

Leggo My Eggos, Egg Retrieval

When I went in for monitoring on Monday, my ovaries were so swollen full of follicles that they were touching each other rather than being on both sides of my body.  My husband gave me the hcg trigger shot and ouch, it was a painful 1.25 inch sticker that night. It hurt worse the next day (Tuesday) as it felt very bruised and sore. Also the next morning, I was dry heaving and throwing up stomach bile. I was able to muster the strength to go to work through the nausea and made it through the day successfully.

Wednesday, today, my husband and I went very early (6am appointment!) to the fertility clinic to have the surgery. They started me on a saline iv drip right away and had me sign a bunch of consent forms. Before I knew it, I was walking myself into the operation room.

Before I had a chance to get nervous, the anesthesiologist gave me some sedative and I couldn't keep my eyes open. I was out in seconds. The whole procedure took about 20 minutes and I was the first to go in that day, lucky me! :) They put me under anesthesia so I didn't feel a thing and I don't know how I got back in my bed but when I woke up they had harvested 28 eggs (a new record for my egg retrieval doctor for those who were trying to do iui/timed intercourse, usually people have 7 to 12, how fun to set the record!).

I was in pain, so they gave me some painkillers and then some morphine. They told me to go home, eat and take vicodin, which I gladly did. I also used my heat pad. I wish I was good at writing odes because if I was, I'd write an ode to my heating pad, how I love it so!


My 28 eggs were all fertilized immediately after retrieval and Thursday (tomorrow) I will get more news on how they are doing. A few days later, they will implant the best looking embryo and freeze the rest if there are any viable embryos left.They are not sure yet if they will do a 3 day or 5/6 day transfer. Based on the information I've read, we are hoping for a 5 day transfer because it gives the eggs the best chance to show who is the strongest and gets them into the blastocyst stage.

I was drinking a lot of water before the operation and continued to drink a lot of water all day afterwards. My recovery room nurse insisted that I drink a lot of water and gatorade and eat double the amount of my usual protein for the next 2-3 weeks. This is to prevent hyper-overstimulation disorders that need to be corrected via surgery. She said she didn't want to see me back there for that as well. I've been keeping up the fluids and have discovered that Strawberry Lemonade Powerade tastes just like the pink Starbursts! Yum! I dilute the powerade at about a 1:3 or 1:4 ratio since the sugary powerade is too much for me (especially after not having anything but water and sparkling water for several months!)



I took the day off of work after the retrieval and went in for a half day the following day. I wish that I had just stayed home because the bumps on the road were killer and I didn't really need to put my body through the stress of working/walking around a lot/etc again just yet. But I just get so stir crazy and have a hard time letting go of work!

To end, I thought I'd share my groggy wake-up letter that I insisted on having my husband type post-op:

Dearest (Fertility Clinic),

Full of pizzazz. Excited. Overjoyed. That's how I feel post egg retrieval. Every step of the way, (fertility clinic) has made me feel like an important patient, not just a number. I'm eternally grateful for your patience, knowledge, and care as you lead me through this unpredictable journey towards motherhood. Your explanations are thorough and your expertise is evident.
( ... Then we got interrupted by "FREE!" crackers that I absolutely loved. They were really given just to see if I could withstand the nausea from the anesthesia but I couldn't get over how great they tasted and how they were free!)
  Thank you all for your support, kind words and prayers. :)

Quick Prep for IVF

Since we were not planning to do IVF this cycle, I had to do some quick mental preparations for all that it entails and I thought it'd be helpful to others to share what I found most useful.

First of all, the hcg shot is hard to actually follow all of the steps. You have to administer it at the exact time they direct you to take it. My nurse said to make sure I hit the target time within five minutes. My husband was walking in the door moments before he had to give it to me, so I was glad I already did the research about how to combine the medication and draw it up or we would have been late. (It's different than the preloaded needles.)

How to draw up/mix the medicine (hcg trigger shot): (We watched it all the way through and then my husband watched while preparing my meds the second time.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ii7kLJTvGs4

How/where to give the shot:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-EY_4P67Hs

(We tried this and it was not too painful. I iced the spot before and after the injection for about 10 minutes which I think helped a ton. Just think carefully about what side you want to do the shot on because it does hurt badly the next day or so like a bad bruise. I thought about which side I like to sleep on and how I would want to lay on the couch to make my decision.)

More about IVF:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8J6C_9umMTg

What does the procedure actually look like? Thank you to this woman who allowed it to be filmed! It really eased my mind and helped me to understand the process so much better.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xugCKraWzRM

Oh and from all that I read, I drastically tried to up my water intake!! No eating after midnight!

Oops and IVF

After my second miscarriage (chemical pregnancy), we spoke with my doctor and he recommended trying timed intercourse along with the injections one more time. He said that after that, we should move on to ivf because my chances at achieving a full-term pregnancy would drop significantly after 3 or 4 tries on injections alone. The clinic sent over the ivf protocol so that we could get an idea of what it would look like and whoa- that was very freaky to look at all at once!

SO. MANY. MEDICATIONS. So. Many. Needles!
 

We were happy to have another shot at injections on our own and went in over the weekend for monitoring. When the nurse called back, she told us to take 150 of the follistim for three days and then come back. 150? I repeated back and forth with her twice. We usually started with 50. She said that was what was in my notes so told me to get started that night. So we did.

I thought maybe this was due to the fact that they found 2 large cysts that day that formed on my left and right ovaries after the miscarriage. 

Oye, 150 was quite the shock to my body. I could only take 2 days of it when on the third day, I only took 112 because I knew something must be wrong with the information and the shots were making me so so bloated. The next morning when I went in for monitoring, I confessed that I decreased my medicine and the doctor confirmed that my intuition was right. Several follicles were growing large, very quickly- not a good thing when you have about 50 follicles in there! (You only want 1-3 winners or the cycle is cancelled!)


The next day, when I had to get monitoring again, my doctor was there and he apologized for the mistake. The 150 was for if I was doing IVF, which I was not doing this round. I was so thankful for his honesty.

We tried to drop the dose of follistim to allow only a few follicles to take off to no avail. It was looking like we would have to cancel the cycle which would likely be painful since I had so many large follicles already. We asked our doctor about transferring the cycle to ivf instead and he agreed, saying that my follicles look beautiful for ivf and then he upped my follistim to 181 for a few days, along with more monitoring. (I went in for blood work and ultrasound almost daily for about a week and a half.)

I had to run from work to a specialty pharmacy before the closed for the weekend to get a bunch more medications more specific to my ivf protocol. Insurance, thankfully, covered most of the cost but I still walked out paying over $200 for the shots.

My follicles responded nicely to the increased medication and by the time they were deemed "ready" my left and right ovaries were so full that they were touching each other. So many follicles which means so many chances for mature eggs!

Is this finally the right procedure for us?

Mourn, Move On and Repeat

The weirdest thing about infertility struggles is your constant need to mourn one hurdle while still looking ahead with hope toward the next straight-away at the same time. There is no time to wait and really recover. Just keep your head up and hurdle along until you reach the finish line.



Three days after my (very painful, heavy) period began, I went back in for more blood work and an ultrasound to make sure I fully miscarried and my uterine lining looked good and got the go ahead to start injections again for the next hope at getting pregnant and keeping the baby. This also corresponded with the second day of a new school year- clearly a stressful time regardless of what's going on in your personal life...

This cycle, we stepped up the amount of injections so that my stimming time would not be quite as long as last time. It worked and I was able to take my trigger shot and do timed intercourse again.

And guess, what? After a stressful two week wait/ beginning of the school year stress-ball madness, I was pregnant again! But, my hcg numbers were still very low which meant low chances of carrying this little gift to full term. I started off around 6, went back two days and jumped to around 26. It was very exciting but so hard to get your hopes up too high. DH cried when he heard this big jump because he felt so full of promise and hope. I got my teeth cleaned the next day but had to forgo the xrays, obviously. I let myself get a little excited as the hygienist gave me instructions about the necessity for healthy gums and teeth during pregnancy.

But then, I went back again and my numbers fell and with them went our dreams. I was instructed to stop progesterone which was holding my little gift in but this time, I had already started to bleed through the progesterone. This was a bit of a gift because this time, I did not have to be the one to stop the medication and wait for my actions to have an effect.

I feel incredibly blessed to have been able to get pregnant twice from the injections but cannot help but mourn what could have been...

My doctor explained them as chemical pregnancies. He says they are real pregnancies but they are too small to be seen on an ultrasound and can only be detected in the blood. He suspects that the embryos must have had trouble dividing or had chromosomal problems which is why I lost them both. I know I must cut down on my incredibly high stress levels at work to be able to survive all of this and to give my future little gift the best chances at a full life.

First Miscarriage

So we were able to do injections again to stimulate my follicles to grow and then for ovulation. So many darn needles, monitoring appointments and emotions. This time, we were going slow and low so stimming took a long time- so long in fact, it was looking like I would have to cancel because I had an out of state wedding in the middle of nowhere. Sure to be an amazing time, but so hard to swallow nonetheless.

After researching and contacting surrounding hospitals, I thought I could still make it work but on my monitoring appointment before I left my doctor was okay with allowing me to stim a bit more and trigger on my own while on my trip. :) :)

I was so happy to do this but it did present some challenges! When you are staying in the middle of nowhere, you don't have easy access to refrigeration. We ended up borrowing ice packs and keeping my injections wrapped up in the tiny ice bucket. Also, trying to give precisely timed injections in the midst of wedding events, it can be a challenge but we are living proof that it can be done!

And... it worked! We had an incredible, magical long weekend filled with love, family and great times. It really was the best medicine of all and we felt so blessed that we could secretly combine two joyous events. I became pregnant for the first time! (But I didn't know it yet, but we sure were hoping!)

After this trip, we went directly to another family trip to the beach. What a great way to help the TWW go by more easily and to keep up the rest and relaxation!

Upon returning, I went back to work and had my first positive beta test but it was incredibly low. Anything above 5 is considered pregnant but 100 is really the target. I was 5.01. :( (Too low to show up on a home pregnancy test.) We held out hope and I went back for more hcg blood work to have risen to 6. My doctor recommended stopping the progesterone suppositories since this did not look like a viable pregnancy for the number of days I was coming along. The progesterone was the only thing really holding in my little gift and it was heart-wrenching to be the one to stop the medication, knowing my period would come soon after- which it did within two days.

Ugh, what a difficult time...

Hanging on... Injections take 2 and an IUI?

 After a failed attempt with injections, we are now upping our aggressiveness with injections, trigger shots and an IUI!

Day 3: BW/US- Uterine lining good and lots of tiny follicles, Okay to start injections at 50iu for 6 nights before bw/us monitoring. Asked Doc to up the dosage of injections but because I have so many follicles, he said he didn't feel comfortable doing that.

Injections: Not so bad the beginning of this round. Very little symptoms so far, except for the bloating.

Day 9: BW/US largest follicles 10.4 and 10.1 on left side and in the 9s on the right, continue with injections at 50iu. Estrogen at 63. Will a little click and stick to the trick?

Day 12: BW/US, lining thickening, no follicle growth, estrogen at 75 need to cancel iui because there won't be enough time before I leave for the wedding... bloated and heartbroken. Is there any way to describe how difficult this journey is??

CD 14: BW/US, lining still thickening, no real follicle growth (right ovary- 11.1 10.4 10.3 etc, left ovary- 10.9 10.8 etc) and estrogen level dropped to 40.3. Whoa! Huge, unexplained drop. I know that your estrogen levels are an indicator that the growth of the follicles is going well and can indicate how many follicles are maturing. This level is so, so low especially for this point in the cycle. We went out for pancakes to cheer ourselves up a bit and later that afternoon got a call telling us to up the meds to 75 iu from 50 iu which made us happier to know that we could amp up the aggressiveness a bit more to give this another shot... (literally and figuratively!)

CD 15: This ramp up in follistim is wearing me out. Feel lethargic, nauseous and so, so bloated. I feel like I just ate a huge thanksgiving meal and am constantly waiting to digest it! Yuck! Please let this be worth it.

CD 16: BW/US, lining is now at a good thickness, I have about 47 follicles with the largest at 12.3,  10.7, and  9.3 (so other follies may be backing off) and my estrogen jumped to 99.4. So glad they bumped me to 75 ius! While still not where I need or expected to be, this may be a glimmer of hope that we might not have to cancel the whole cycle after all (but IUI is still out of the question at this point because of the wedding I'm going to this weekend). Feeling insanely bloated. I wish I could push my stomach out of my belly button. Ugh! Going back for monitoring again tomorrow.Wishing and hoping for good news and a big jump!

CD 17: BW/US After one more shot of 75 iu of follistim... Estrogen 96.5, largest follicles measured at 13.2, 9.8. Met with the doctor today and he is trying to figure out a solution to my travels while he still strongly cautioned me that we may have to cancel this cycle. When I asked him about the drop in my estrogen before, he said this can happen as some follicles back off when one or two are taking the lead but that estrogen levels in the 40s or 90s are very low.

He upped my follistim to 112iu tonight with my last chance monitoring tomorrow morning before my flight out. I'm supposing this must have to do with the fact that my estrogen level is not climbing but is down a bit from yesterday... so stressful... I'm going to go do some gardening and then get my hair cut tonight to get my mind off of this...

Two Week Wait and Beyond

 

I  was incredibly busy during the two week wait which was a great way to get my mind off of everything. Had a lot of fun, did a lot of work and was super productive. Twice each day, though, I had the constant reminder that I'm still fighting for a chance at a little gift- morning and evening prometrium progesterone suppositories. Ugh!

The progesterone suppositories can give you all of the symptoms of pregnancy.  For me, I felt the bloating, extreme hunger, and painful, enlarged breasts the most. Psychologically, it sucks because you can't read into it too much because they could either be due to the drugs or to a pregnancy. What's the point of taking them? To support your uterine lining to help prevent a miscarriage and prevent your period from coming.

So, I took them and at the end of two weeks on a Friday, I went to the doctor again for bloodwork only. After waiting a few hours, I called my nurse at lunch to get my results and next steps because I was leaving town for a bridal shower and didn't want to go into the weekend without a plan. I knew that I wasn't pregnant already because I had taken a urine test, but still the blood confirmation stung when she apologized for the negative news. "I'm so sorry, but you are not pregnant."

All these weeks of hoping and waiting and trying and hoping...

Got on my flight that night and went back home to put on a positive face and take my mind off of the disappointment.

Moving on to the next cycle:
 Because of our planned vacation to Colombia, we had to take a break between cycles. :( My doctor stopped my progesterone suppositories the day we confirmed I wasn't pregnant (so happy to be off those!) and I got my period a few days later. Then, on day 3, I started birth control until coming back from my trip to start injections all over again. (Was supposed to come off b.c. while still on my trip so that I would start right away but then I got very sick in Colombia so I had to wait even longer until I finished my antibiotics.. oye, never ending...)

Folli-optimism

 My husband and I were really freaked out by all of the needles involved in Follistim, but it really hasn't been so bad- especially because we are finally, finally seeing some changes so it all feels worth it. Side effects have been minimal (follistim farts and gas pains, :) and are a piece of cake compared to Clomid and Femara. I wish we could have just started here to begin this journey.

Fun, follistim freebies: 

a. The nurse mentioned that there might be some extra meds in the 300iu pen and turns out this is quite common! It has given me two free days! Woo hoo! I love free when it comes to this pricey adventure! Well, I love free when it comes to anything! (Hotel shampoos and Starbucks Splendas anyone?)

b. The cool red container for the needles from the pharmacy below the fertility clinic. You can get fined if you discard the needles inappropriately so you bring this container back to the doc to empty it there. Multiple times this weekend, I have wanted to use it as a vase. Maybe I will when I can celebrate the end of this process!

c. Rubbing alcohol wipes. When the nurse taught us how to use the follipen, she asked if we had alcohol in the house to prep the injection site. Dead serious, my husband responded intently and matter-of-factly, "Oh yes, vodka. Got it." HA! I almost died on the spot! She was very gracious and corrected him. We had to get some from the pharmacy and when the woman at the pharmacy saw us looking for it on the shelf, she gave us a huge stack of single wipes for free!

 

Follistim Day 6 Monitoring (Saturday)

-Bloodwork showed my Estrogen increased to 74 from the 20s!

-3 follicles growing larger (2 on the right, 1 on the left) and lots of little ones, largest at about 12 mmm
-My husband and I were so excited that two follicles were growing on the right so even though you are supposed to switch injection sides each night, we excitedly decided to inject only on the right to be closest to our potential little gifts. Silly, I know, but everyone needs something to keep their hopes up!
-Severe gas pains have subsided, not sure if it's from the interaction between the metformin and the follistim or what. Thank goodness ! 
-Continue with 50iu injects nightly

Follistim Day 8 Monitoring (Monday)

- Bloodwork showed increase in Estrogen to 102!

-6 larger follicles now, largest at 14.5mm! (Getting closer to the 18mm needed to trigger!) Hilarious that the largest ones were now on the left and 1 large on on the right. I guess it doesn't matter where you inject! Felt amazing to see such a large follicle today. I could really tell the difference and my ultrasound technician was so excited for me. We were both celebrating! Hoping that I got the first glimpse of our future little one this morning!

-Filled with so much hope! Just hoping and praying that only 1-3 will get big enough.

-Going back in two days to see if anything changes!
-Continue with 50iu injects nightly

Follistim Day 10 Monitoring (Wednesday) 

 Went in again for monitoring- good news!

-three follicles measured 19.0, 16.6, 10.7

-estrogen level is 248. 

-trigger this evening with the Ovidrel injection and get busy

-start prometrium on Saturday

-schedule for pregnancy test two weeks later

Ramp Up Aggressiveness with Follistim

 

Sunday

I left a beach trip early to get Sunday monitoring and received a call in the afternoon saying that my estrogen levels went up to 32 (less than 10 increase) so they wanted me to return again Tuesday to do blood work and u/s again. Seeing as they want to see my estrogen at 180 (estrogen increase signals start of process), I asked to speak with a physician about starting fsh injectables. Of course, the doc called back in the 2 seconds my car was turning on the Bluetooth so I missed the call and because it was the weekend, I could not call back. The voice-mail told me to come in again the next morning to do blood work and u/s again then I could talk to the doc.

Monday

We got up early and drove to the fertility clinic without an appointment prepared to wait for a turn. I wanted to talk to the doc first before messing around with more blood and ultrasounds. After not too long of a wait, we got to talk to the doc! She was amazed by how many follicles I have (80, it was like she never saw so many before) and thought it was very reasonable to move onto FSH injections since I haven't responded to clomid or femara.

She will start me today with a low dose *50iu) of Follistim injectable since I have sooo many follicles and my chance of cancelling the cycle is high if too many follicles respond. They want only one follicle to grow or else it would be a high risk of multiples. (When doing ivf, they give you a lot because they want to mature a lot of eggs for harvesting) So, it will be monitored every few days and my husband will inject me each night with FSH. The doc said usually patients have to do it for 5-7 days, but she has one patient now who has been doing it for 30!

Still have to go through blood and another u/s today and wait on the results (make sure estrogen level didn't jump up or follicle grew 7mm over night) but I have the injectables laying next to a cold pack from the pharmacy below the clinic in my purse now!

Before we left, the nurse showed my husband and I how to use the syringes. Basically, you just pinch an inch of your stomach and inject.

Monday Night Follistim

 After getting blood work back, my estrogen dropped to 25... really low. And no follicles grew. Got the go ahead to start with 50 iu shots for 3 nights. Headed back Thursday for another ultrasound and more blood work. My husband gave me the shot and it wasn't as bad as either of us feared. Felt less than the sting of a mosquito. Injection of hope.  I'd like to think of it that way.

Praying for only one follicle to grow! Just one special little gift.

Fertile Femara?

My fertility doc started me on Femara 2.5mg for 5 days after not responding to my 150mg Clomid without waiting for AF induction (so technically it was cd20). Overall, Femara was almost a breeze for me compared to Clomid. While I didn't have as much difficulty with Clomid as others, I found Femara to be much easier on my body. And my skin thanks me too!

Day 1: Failed Clomid ultrasound and blood work. Lots of tiny follicles...

Days 1-4: I took the pill late at night before bed. I felt fine- a little bloated but nothing much more to note. My skin also began to clear up since the after Clomid effect. Lots of energy and in a good mood. Feel a little hot. This may also be coupled with my new order of Murad skin care products. 

Days 5-6: Felt a bit nauseous and run down, but taking several walks with my husband and watching Netflix in between helped. Day 6, I didn't have to take a pill but I was going through the effects of my evening pill. 

Day 10: Acupuncture- yay!! Feels so good! Lots of energy to begin with, very clear feeling and relaxed afterwards

Day 11: Still in a good mood. (This is definitely not CloMood!)

Day 12 ultrasound and blood work: Failed. Again. Follicle that was 8mm with 150mg of Clomid grew 2mm to a max of 10mm, with still lots of little follicles. Need to go back in a few days to check again and then we discuss next steps.

Kind of anxious to find out what's next. 1. Wait longer? 2. Start higher dose of Femara without AF induction? 3. Induce AF and start again with ...who knows...? 4. IVF? It's hard because I have all of these summer plans and being in town to do all of this monitoring will be more of a struggle. I'm getting really sick of this re-prioritizing and endless waiting game. If it will take several more months to find the magic, that's fine but I'd rather just know. Where's the crystal ball??

Good-bye Clomid, Hello Femara

 

Since I never responded to Clomid, my fertility doc moved me to Femara 2.5mg. On Day 20 of my Clomid cycle, I went in for an t/v ultrasound and blood work to confirm that I had not grown any follicles.  My husband and I also had to sign a release form to take Femara, which is commonly used as a breast cancer drug and is illegal in several countries. Again, I had lots of follicles and they were all too small, proving that Clomid and I were due for a break-up. 

I got a call later that day from my nurse instructing me to start my five days of Femara that evening, treating my actual day 20 as day 3 since my uterine lining was set to go. I was concerned that the dosage of Femara was so low that I wouldn't respond and wondered why I didn't start with what seems like the common 5.0 or 7.5 mg. They explained that it was due to me already being somewhat stimulated by the Clomid this cycle so they did not want to send me into hyper-stimulation which makes sense. Now, I just wait until my next t/v ultrasound and blood work to see if I can use that trigger shot that is just waiting for me in my fridge.

Several friends have announced their pregnancies in the past week or so. We're hoping that we are one step closer to our own gifted little one. 

Stay tuned for my play-by-play on my Femara experience.

3 strikes...

Went again on Thursday (cd 15) for another ultrasound and more blood work. Story of my life now.

My estrogen levels were still incredibly low for this point in my cycle (34.8-cd3, 47.6- cd15, should be in the hundreds or even thousands) so I am not showing any signs of follicle development nor pending ovulation.The ultrasound just showed lots of tiny follicles and 2 larger ones- the largest is 8.6mm which is still very small.Can't believe that I went through all of that and didn't respond...

Clomid Round 3, 3 strikes and you're out. I won't be sad to see you go. If I fail again on Monday, I can finally move directly onto Femara without AF first. Heard that it's less harsh to bodies than Clomid so I'm excited about that and hopefully I will respond to it. Many women who don't respond to Clomid respond to Femara and we're hopeful that this time something will work. Also glad I got permission to go ahead and start Femara without using provera to induce AF. That would have added about 14 days to my wait to cycle again, so I'm thankful for that.

Mother's Day is this weekend. Can't help but feel a bit sad that I'm not in the club this year. So glad to have a new, clear plan in place to keep this process moving along though.

Failed Follies

Went yesterday (Sunday, day 11) to get my ultrasound and blood work done. I didn't respond to my third round of Clomid. I had one follicle measuring 7.4 mm and bunch of little follicles. (You need to find follicles around 20mm to do the trigger shot.)

One of the most depressing things about Sunday monitoring were all of the hopeful couples waiting in the lounge area. They were overflowing with patients but the waiting room was very quiet. Patients and their partners were whisked in and out of the blood work room, the ultrasound rooms and the check-out area. While they were very efficient, cheery and positive, my husband and I both felt a bit sad to see so many struggling people all around us.

One of the good things was that my husband was finally able to see what my PCOS ovaries look like via ultrasound. The radiologist told him that I have a beautiful uterus (um, thanks?) and explained to him that that chocolate chip cookie looking thing was my right ovary (and there is an ovary on each side.)

When the doctor on call came in, he told me to schedule again for Thursday (cd 15) to check again but that I most likely will be advised to try another route since I did not respond to the maximum dose of Clomid they use at the clinic. Still have the trigger shot chilling in the fridge and the progesterone supplements waiting in the drawer in case something changes, but it's not likely. While I didn't expect the Clomid to work this time due to my lack of response before, it still hurts to have gone through all of the yuckiness just to have to undergo more yuckiness and uncertainty...

Clomid Round 3 Report

Here's how the third round of Clomid at a higher dosage (150mg, days 3-7) went for me. With how many terrible, horrible, terrifying experiences are posted in blogs and forums, I feel it is important to share how for me, Clomid has not been so, so evil.

CD 3- Took it during a wedding, not the best time for the stomach cramps and general icky feeling that followed. My skin is seriously angry at me. 

CD 4- Nausea sets in, feel like I'm hung over (but I'm not...), Emotional (also had to cancel fun travel plans for next weekend due to treatment and my early period), Sweaty at night

CD 5- Moments of strong nausea.Starting to feel sick (headache, body aches, sinus pressure).  Not sure if it's the Clomid or seasonal allergies. Really bad night sweat! Oye!

CD 6- My skin is still screaming for relief from the hormones. Feeling more sick today and wanted to cancel acupuncture because I felt congested, yucky and all I want was to take a nap! So glad I went though!! 

Let me elaborate: She stuck those glorious needs in my nose and between my eyebrows which opened my nostrils up and cleared my headache. Also got needs in my legs and stomach for fertility. 

Went to bed early, slept amazingly and no night sweats!

CD 7- Felt great! Quite amazing, really! My head felt clear and my symptoms magically cleared. Hurray for acupuncture. So worth it. 

Now let's see if I respond to Clomid this time. Monitoring appointment this weekend. 

New Cycle...

Got my period yesterday (unusually fast after ending bcp) which meant rearranging my flight out today for a special wedding so that I could get a baseline ultrasound and blood work completed. The u/s was all clear and I'm just waiting on my blood work this afternoon to get the go ahead to start Clomid 150mg (round 3) on Saturday, day 3. Not at all thrilled about starting the evil Clomid meds during wedding festivities... Of course, my period would come early this time after carefully planning it around vacations and of course, it changes everything- again. Tough to make plans right now.

Just hoping that something positive will come out of round three of Clomid.

Easter and New Beginnings

Had a fun day back from vacation yesterday, including a very special Easter mass. I was teary through the whole mass once the organ began filling the Basilica with beautiful music. Easter is all about new beginnings. As the Monsignor said, we start Lent with ashes and on Easter, we light a new candle, a new fire. Easter is a sign of God's intervention during desperation to bring new joy, new hope. I'm trying to take this homily to heart and to embrace renewed hope this spring. I wish the same for all of you, no matter what journey you are currently taking right now.

HSG Test and Aftermath

From my perspective and experience, here's what they do when you have to get a dreaded HSG test to check to see if your tubes are blocked or if there are any other problems that could be inhibiting fertility. First off, this goes into the TMI category but in the spirit of full disclosure of my experiences, I guess this whole blog is TMI...

HSG Test

1. Arrive with a full bladder, they will make you pee in a cup (not sure why??). Doesn't help to wait while nervous with a full bladder... Read the waiver form in the waiting room. Freak out because it says something about seafood allergies and the iodine being a risk. (Of course, I'm allergic to seafood...)

2. Meet the nurse and pee in a cup. (Nice to meet you!) Pass the test. :) Nurse tells me that I'll be fine with the iodine and that it's an outdated form but she'll let the technician know and she might use a different rinse. Nurse took my height, weight and blood pressure and explained the test procedure. Hands me a Kleenex as I get teary eyed from my nerves listening to the procedure and the googling I did earlier in the week... (The nurse was super friendly, especially for a 7am appointment, and you can really tell she has experience calming the nerves of many, many patients! She is so good at her job.)

3. Go into the xray room and go into the changing room to put on a gown over your sweater and booties on your feet. Recline on "bed."

4. Insert speculum and catheter and then slowly inject dye. Small, round x-ray machine is floating above your abdomen and captures the image in real time as the fluid goes up one tube, into the ovary and then out into the abdomen. Repeat towards the other side. Feels like uncomfortable pressure and general ickiness but not sharp pain at all if they do it correctly (which they did). I heard that it lasts 2-3 minutes but I think they were way faster than that.

HSG results (not mine)

5. Immediate results= all clear! You own doctor/nurse team will follow up with you later in the day.

6. Go to Panera next door to make it all feel better. Go home to stretch and do some yoga before work.

7. Wear a pad, no tampons allowed, as the brownish/orange dye will leak out and you may experience spotting and cramping (I did).

 

Aftermath

I went on the birth control pills after passing my day 3 ultrasound and before the hsg test. The original plan was to discontinue the pills after getting the hsg all clear. Because of my husband's need to get more blood work done (to prove he doesn't have hiv, etc), our timeline got put on hold again. With vacations and wedding festivities for friends, we have to delay further because I need to be in town for monitoring. It just feels sometimes like the roadblocks keep on coming but at the same time, we are so lucky to be living such full lives.

I kept cramping/spotting for almost two weeks after the hsg test which is abnormal. Not only was it uncomfortable for a long period of time, it was also incredibly inconvenient because I was on vacation at the beach. Horrible time to not feel well and not be able to use a tampon...

After a week of bleeding, I contacted my nurse from my vacation spot and after exchanging emails, she recommended that I go to the emergency room to get an ultrasound. I decided not to go because we were out of the country and would be returning to the US in a few days.

Upon returning home, the spotting ceased with just 3 birth control pills left before I will get a period again... but hopefully this time it will lead to something more positive and less stressful.

Glows, Grows and Gross

It has been a few days of glows and grows...

Glows:
Passed the HSG test this morning with flying "colors" or should I say flying "dye through my uterus, tubes and ovaries."
Did some cleansing yoga afterwards to stretch out my stomach and calm my nerves before work... Gotta love workouts like this one by Denise Austin!

Gross:
Yuckiness from hsg test... another post for another day. Fast fact: not so bad, quick and relatively not so uncomfortable as I had googled.

Glow:
Passed the Genetic Test! Got great news- my husband is not an SMA carrier. This means we can move ahead as planned. Our little gift will have a 75% chance of not being a carrier either.

Grow:
Husband's health insurance blood work doesn't count towards the fertility center's checklist so now we need to get it redone... and put everything else on hold again...

Grows:
Super sick of taking all these pills... also sick of chasing after doctors to share test results with other doctors- when will everything and everyone be online so there is easy access to tests/visits/medical info?

Glow:
Acupuncture tomorrow. Is it tomorrow yet? 

Ultrasound- Follicles Galore!

I got my period yesterday after taking progesterone (provera). So, I called my nurse and she scheduled my monitoring baseline ultrasound for first thing this morning. (You have to do it between day 2-5.) I got there 30 min before my appointment when the office opened with hopes that I could get in early so I wouldn't be late for work and sure enough, they got me in lickity-split!  Again, everyone at the fertility clinic was so friendly and happy (even though it was really early in the morning) which really put me at ease.

http://weheartit.com/entry/36681830

The tech administered the t/v ultrasound while another doc from the practice sat in to interpret the results on the spot. She said my uterine lining looked good and then when she saw the "pearl necklace" lining the outside of my first ovary, she grew quiet and looked a bit nervous. I said, "I already know I have pcos." To which she sighed in relief saying something about how they look like typical pcos but in a way that made me feel positive about them looking so normally abnormal. (See, everyone is so friendly they make everything sound okay. Talk about rose colored glasses!)

She said to go forward with my plans to get the HSG test on Monday and that they saw nothing there that would hold me up further. ::Sigh of relief::

After about 2 minutes of the ultrasound, I was on my way to pay my 50% and even had enough time to grab a small cup of decaf coffee as a treat for myself during my drive to work!

Fast forward to the end and highlight of my day- Acupuncture Tuesday! I had another great, relaxing, centering session and walked around outside for awhile feeling refreshed and renewed.

After returning home, I found my lost phone and saw that I had a long voice-mail from my nurse. She informed me that they were looking for me to have at most 10 follicles when I, in fact, have 90. Yes, I'm an overachiever... 40 on one side, 50 on the other.  She said they "looked good, really good" with a laugh, so I suppose this is good. I'm patting myself on the back for not googling this... yet.

Lots of long walks planned for this week, start b.c. tomorrow leading up the HSG test Monday and an acupuncture reward on Tuesday!

Genetic Testing- I'm a carrier...

Of course, we hit another challenge on our journey. As part of the fertility center's treatment, they ask you to get genetic testing. Because it is expensive, they first test the woman. If she is a carrier for anything, then they test the male.

It takes about 2 weeks to get the results. I got three missed calls from the fertility center the day they came in so I knew it was probably bad news. I called them back as soon as I could and found out that I'm a carrier of SMA, Spinal Muscular Atrophy. 

This means that my husband has to now get his blood tested before we can move forward. If he is also a carrier, we need to weigh our options and risks including IVF so that they can do egg selection. If he is not a carrier, we are good to go as previously planned. I guess this is the new version of the TWW...

A friend of my friend was pregnant with a child with SMA and lost him after carrying him to term. She was devastated because she did not know her child was at risk. We are thankful that we have this testing opportunity because of our fertility problems. Since it's genetic, it's possible that other family members will want to be tested as well. Perhaps it's a gift in disguise...